December 4, 2012

Dec 4

I’ve been at home in Atlanta, GA and away from my mother for over a week now. I’m almost ashamed to say that I needed this time to recharge. My children needed to be with their father. I want to go back – need to go back, but dread it all the same. Seeing my mother in her current state is heartbreaking. It pains me to think of my father – A man who’s had to endure and face the ups and downs of this disease every single day for the past two years. I was only there for 40 days and often felt that my heart couldn’t take another.

My father, at times, seems almost crazed with worry. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with him today listening to him list all of things that he’s cooked for my mother over the past week.
“I made pancakes yesterday morning and she ate a lot of that” he said triumphantly. “But she’s been asleep most of today. I let her sleep because at least then i know she’s not in pain.”

Ouch.

I need to go back.

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2 thoughts on “December 4, 2012

  1. Being a caretaker is very difficult. My dad took care of my mom and I guess I was her secondary caretaker. I worried about both of them constantly and I live only 15 minutes away. I remember many conversations with my dad. He called the morning of the day before my mom died and was in tears because of what had occurred the night before. My heart broke for him and I spent that night taking care of my mom so my dad could sleep. During the last few weeks of my mom’s life, a nurse was at the house during the day and hospice care came twice a week.

    • Yeah, it sucks to be so far away from my family. You were fortunate to have them so close. I tried to get them to move here a while ago when my mother was first diagnosed, but my dad is so stubborn. He just wasn’t having it. I’m blessed to have a husband who works hard so that I don’t have to. I’m able to go and be with my mother for extended periods. But of course it’s a double-edged sword because we have to be apart.
      Hospice does come by once a week, but that of course doesn’t provide for emotional support. So hard.

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